Serial Trainer

{January 4, 2011}   Real Men..

Now that I’ve caught your attention with the title of this post..I would like to thank “Real Men Eat Lettuce” for the suggestion of the content.

Guys, it is up to you now to incorporate the challenge. Women will be working on chest presses and push-ups and you will be incorporating some Pilates moves into your workout.

First Exercise?  The Hundred. I found a great link that explains how to do this move, so rather than retype it, I’m going to add the link HERE. If you scroll down on that page, there are tips for advancement.

Next exercise: The Plank. The plank is an excellent exercise and I highly recommend it to anyone that has a computer/sit down job. If you’re getting the sloping neck where your chin and/or head leans forward even while standing, you should incorporate this position in your daily routine.

Here are some good Yoga poses geared toward men, HERE.


{December 22, 2010}   Serial Twitter

I’ve added myself to Twitter! Come add me!

I’m also on FB and MySpace!

{December 22, 2010}   Ch’Arms…? Seriously!?

So..Ch’arms. I sat down one morning and heard Rod Ryan of the Buzz (94.5 in Houston) and he was ranting about these things. I couldn’t help but go and look into this. They are Spanx..for your arms. I’m *almost* speechless.


But that would be like asking me not to breathe..and well..that’s not gonna happen anytime soon!

If you have 29.99 to buy Ch’arms, you have dues for a health club membership or a payment on some kind of exercise equipment. It will certainly buy you a kettle ball or fitness ball. And guess what? Push ups are free, ladies.

Have we seriously entered into the realm of DENIAL? Stuffing yourself into spanx and ch’arms like a sausage is nearly ridiculous. Now, ladies, we’ve all bought “control top” pantyhose..what happens?  Everything gets held in there and ….drumroll….gets muffin topped elsewhere. Honestly, what is the point!? Body Spanx?


Accept that you’re beautiful. You’re real. You’re working on issues, don’t try to hide them in stretchy body trampolines. At least carry some scissors in case your blood stops flowing.

I stopped picking up a lot of the fitness magazines that I used to love. Let me tell you why:

My first reason is that they are cutting back on the quality of information and recycling it in future issues. I remember picking up a magazine that I won’t name (not so much into slander these days, sorry) and seeing beautiful depicted anatomy pictures. You have to know what you’re working on in order to know what you’re doing, folks. I don’t expect you to know all the “big names” of muscles but it’s nice to physically see how that anatomy works.

Is it just me or are people too trusting these days? Let me get on a little soap box about this before I continue ..

You go to a health club. You decide you need some ask for a personal trainer. You walk in for your first session and your personal trainer shows up and is maybe 19. Maybe. Male or female, they have a great body. Pause.

How many 19 year olds DON’T have a great body??  Ask them what THEY ate for lunch and it’ll probably be something like “Subway 6 inch sub with chips and a diet coke” or..even worse…”Pizza”. Now ..before panties get in a bunch, this is not the BIBLE of scenarios but this is typical. I’m 37 years old. If I eat a subway sandwhich with chips and a coke everyday for lunch, I’m gaining at least 5lbs by the end of the week.

Let’s also point out that they work in a health club. They train people all day. That’s moving around, demonstrating exercises and running back and forth between protein bars. It’s the same concept as The Biggest Loser. Those people spend their day being active in a controlled environment with cooked meals. It’s an amazing transformation and they work VERY hard, but the average person doesn’t achieve those kinds of results for a reason. Note that you shouldn’t be discouraged by this NOR should you use it as an excuse. It’s just a reality check.

Now back to my beef :

I understand that in order to stay in business, there has to be advertisers. But when I’m paying $4 for a magazine, I don’t want to have more than half of it be advertising …and most of all, for things that aren’t related to health! There has to be a better idea than posting 12 full page advertising ads in between “Building better abs” and “Gorgeous Glutes”.

I don’t care what the latest sexual stimulant is. I don’t care about Bat-dung based supplements. I want to see REAL people, in real fitness gear, in real life situations coming out on top. I’m tired of seeing celebrities who have money for the luxuries of 5 day a week personal trainers, on call chefs, swimming pools in their bedrooms and liposuction on “bad months” when they couldn’t do it themselves. I want to see real struggles. Fall on your face for us, but get the hell back up and show us we can too.

And for the love of all things holy, stop putting the “Increase Breast Size Cream” ads in your magazine!!

J: Your torture methods are effective. If I stay still the pain sets in. If I keep moving it’s bearable but moving hurts. You should work for Black Ops or something.

Me: rofl!!!!!!!

J: I need a butt donut. oi.

I love you girlfriend! LOL

{November 22, 2010}   Monday Challenge

Most people start off their Monday’s doing the “Chest Workout”. If you look on my site, it’s probably the most popular post I have on this blog. My challenge today is to break out of the routine. Our bodies are amazing and can adapt to nearly any condition, routine, workout that you give it. Variety is the key to breaking boundaries. Whether it be to get over a plateau or to just bust out of the monotony.

Who’s up for the challenge? Post here and let me know what you did today to boycott National Chest Day!

{November 18, 2010}   FREE STUFF

I’ve decided that I’m going to get this blog going again with a bang!

So what does that mean for you? FREE STUFF.

Random posters/commentors/questioners will get something free from me. It could be something as small as a water bottle or something bigger like free supplements. Maybe a T-Shirt. You get the idea. So post away!

If there are any sponsors that would like to get in on this, please contact me at

{October 15, 2008}   Houston Wellness Association

I was invited to attend this conference here in Houston but will not be able to attend (it’s a little steep for my personal budget), however, I’d like to let other people in Houston aware of it.  If you’re able to attend, it would be for a good cause:

Thank you, once more for inviting me, Lauren!

!!! UPDATELauren very kindly offered me a press pass to this event.  I’m extremely excited to be given this opportunity and will definitely blog and let you all know how it goes!

{October 3, 2008}   Life With Lorenzo

As many of you already know, I’ve picked up my own personal trainer.  I get a lot of odd looks when I tell them I’m a personal trainer with a trainer but then I explain that my circle of support is limited to my mother who lives 1.5 hours away, my son who I love to workout with but now has a job and school and our times never correlate with each other’s, and my friends whose goals are not the same as my own.  I guess it seems a little more comprehendable that I might opt for a trainer to keep me motivated.

Lorenzo, as (some of) you know, is my trainer and he’s the fitness manager at the 24 Hour Fitness club on Westheimer and Dairy Ashford. (I’m shameless with plugs, but only when deserving)  When Lorenzo isn’t making me lunge my life away, I love him.  He’s funny, always smiling (I think he’s smiling because I’m not) and doesn’t let me give up … even when my legs flat out refuse to keep lunging.

Lorenzo also likes to make sure that my shoulders burn like someone poured gasoline on them and tossed a match at me.  Ah, lactid acid.  Kryptonite to anyone in the fitness universe.  He, at least, finds me amusing.  Especially when I talk to my extremities and coax them to move even when they’ve clearly been left a few paces behind or outright refuse to cooperate.  Yesterday I tried to talk the opposite wall into moving closer (this didn’t work in case you’re wondering).  I think he just assumes I’m a little on the crazy side and that’s alright with me because it means he’ll just smile and nod..which would explain why he gets worried when I don’t talk enough during the sessions.  When I hear him chime in, “You’re a little quiet today, Lisa” it never ceases to make me snicker.

All in all, I’m extremely happy with my love-hate relationship with Lorenzo.  We smile and laugh while he abuses me.  I tell him he’s lucky because he’s the only man on Earth’s surface who can tell me what to do.  And even though I’m turning 35 this year, I’ll have the backside of a 20 year old — this makes me very, very happy. 

The bottom line is:  When a trainer tries to workout with friends or family it’s hard for us to get out of “trainer mode”.  That is to say, it’s hard for us not to try and correct and focus on someone else because that’s essentially our job.  We ensure you’re working out properly, safely, etc.  It also helps to have someone else’s perspective and I really respect Lorenzo’s knowledge.  I’m pretty creative as a trainer but he’s taught me a couple things I would’ve never thought of.  After 10+ years in this industry, I really wanted someone to take care of me, and he does.  So while I curse him out for not being able to properly squat over a toliet, I thank him for giving this full-time, pre-med student, mom of four, bipolar wacko her favorite hour of the day.

❤ Lorenzo!

{September 20, 2008}   Serial Trainer Vs. Ike

It was, without a doubt, a rough storm.  I’m very thankful and grateful that I did not get hit hard and at the same time, I feel badly for those that are still without power and who have suffered a huge amount of loss due to this hurricane.

Hurricane Ike pounded Houstonians into what looked like a war zone, but I want to tell you something.  I’ve seen such resilience in this city that I cannot explain in words.  It is something you cannot experience until you’ve been through it and seen it first hand.  Houston did not lie down

The day after the hurricane, people were outside, assessing damage and cleaning up ready to start the day as if it was just “another storm”.  I stared in awe.  I’ve never seen a block of people, walk outside, see trees down and windows blown, just shrug and get to work.  It was a sight that brought strength inside of me in one of those weird, sappy moments.

On that note….I started with my trainer, Lorenzo, on Tuesday.  I hadn’t done much besides long walks at night because of school starting and I didn’t have a working car.  So, no excuse to be had, I kept my eating light and my cardio usually consisted of walking my poor, small legged, half-Chow, half-Shepard, half-pint dog, Diesel.

I can tell you now, that Lorenzo honed in on my weaknesses like a true I mean, trainer, and got to work. The next day I could not walk without cursing him ..and then blessing him.  Please refer to my post on the humor page about the “Cat Scratch”.  I’m convinced he’s trying to break me.  And he almost has! 

Alas, he is Apollo and I am Rocky.  The dumb guy that keeps coming back for more beatings, screaming, “Ain’t so bad!”  And yes.  He pummels me some more.  But I know in the end, I will look great, so it’s all worth it.

He said to make sure I tell you guys the truth so no one else comes in thinking he’s nice.  Uh — He’s not nice.  He smiles.  But he’s not nice.  He’s a monster.  And I love him =)  Thanks Lorenzo.  For all of you that want to get your ass kicked, too.  He’s at the 24 Hour Fitness location on Dairy Ashford and Westheimer.  Bring water. Lots of it. And skip Gatorade. *ahem*


et cetera